Lyrics with out music (haven't touched the good ole fender in a month), is just poetry. So here are bits, and I mean bits of what I have been working on.
Insecurites are my hero
the deepest honesty in a person is hidden, with their flaws
i will spend my whole life being tragic, rather then striving for your version of perfect
my world was changed the moment he kissed my soul
i cannot change myself, but if i can be the one person to change you, then i have lived a full life
in the moments of grey, the shadows of hurt and the call of the broken hearted....you were my sunshine, you were my aid, but i pushed you down...thats life when you are afraid
it was never about me and you, it was about the versions we never were and never could of been
i may never be over you, but i will look past you...
if you want the girl to fix you then its this version of me...if you want to be wounded thats always going to be her...you just have to realize that girl is she, and she is too much of me...
when the world finally breaks, i want to be able to remember every line that there ever was on your face
when you lie, i will leave...if you leave, then i will lie.
if this is who i used to be, i am not quite sure i want to know who i am going to be
in the world where everyone lives to be perfect, i will just be struggling to be broken
somewhere in the midst of it all i forgot to hold on, i forgot to cling tight, now i will always be falling
this morning i woke up, looked at you and realized we had been playing games with each other for far too long
if i had a time machine, i would go back to that moment where you wanted a yes, and all i could muster was my pathetic idea of a no...
i cant be ashamed of my past, and i cant hide the crazy...what you see is what you get. this is all i have to give from me to you
fighting with you is just like staring myself in the mirror, no one looks and no one listens
the possibilty to fail will always be present...but the opportunity to succeed isnt...
how can we believe in truth, love, happiness and music...when all the world wants is lies, hate, materials and silence....
where were you when my world broke, when the pieces shattered, and i let you go
how often have we wished for each other, but settled for another?
so there you have it, none of them linked to the other one. none of them complete...just random scattered bits of thoughts...maybe someday i will get it together and make them right. until then...
leave only footprints.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Ready, Set, I'm Not Ready to Go...
I never thought this would be possible. The girl who is notorious for running away, doesn't want to run anymore. I guess the life long dash shoes I have been sporting have seen the last race for the far off finish line. At least for now. Of course that doesn't mean that I am staying, it just means that for once, I am taking a journey for the right reasons. I am not running, I am not scared. I am ready, and I am coming back.
Of course I will be questioned on this decision to return being based on a guy, or my friends. Parts of it were, I won't hide that. That's not the start or end of it, after all each story deserves to have its full contents spilled.
I have been running, since I was 13 years old. The moment I left for Conserve School, I became a runaway girl. Back then, I was running from the mean girls. I was running from the rude boys. I was running from a home life dynamic that was impossible for me to understand. From then to now, 7 years later, I have been running.
At first it was little things, relationships gone sour, back stabbing-front stabbing former friends, my fear of being a mess. Then the big issues hit, my biological father, fighting to be anything but my mother. I ran and buried most of it. See the more I stayed busy, the more I could run. Sports, theater, school, reading, writing, filled the spaces that should of been left for clarity, calm and realizing that running was the worst thing I could do.
I ran, through four years of high school, and sprinted my way into the wrong college, in the wrong place, for the wrong reasons. See? Running away really never works out.
It took me two years here, to finally step back, pause and realize. What the hell was I still running from? This life belongs to no one but me, the demons I run from, are the demons I allow myself to run from. All of the sorrow, pain, and hurt from the years, can only get to me if I run from it, if I let it get to me. I am not the tragic, wounded, weak girl in the story. I am the stubborn, independant, strong girl, who faces her weakness and never runs. Two years, lots of friends, some much needed family time, and alot of running brought me here.
Now I can say that going to Alaska isn't about running for me. This isn't 7 years ago and this isn't Conserve. This is an escape....I guess if you want to you can say escaping and running are the same thing. Not for me, because I am escaping the running...to run right back here. To a place I never expected to find my peace. Its not permenant, that much I know. But its where I want to finish my degree, start my life, and grow my roots from. With good friends, close family and the chance to finally, put away my running shoes.
Leave only foot prints....
Of course I will be questioned on this decision to return being based on a guy, or my friends. Parts of it were, I won't hide that. That's not the start or end of it, after all each story deserves to have its full contents spilled.
I have been running, since I was 13 years old. The moment I left for Conserve School, I became a runaway girl. Back then, I was running from the mean girls. I was running from the rude boys. I was running from a home life dynamic that was impossible for me to understand. From then to now, 7 years later, I have been running.
At first it was little things, relationships gone sour, back stabbing-front stabbing former friends, my fear of being a mess. Then the big issues hit, my biological father, fighting to be anything but my mother. I ran and buried most of it. See the more I stayed busy, the more I could run. Sports, theater, school, reading, writing, filled the spaces that should of been left for clarity, calm and realizing that running was the worst thing I could do.
I ran, through four years of high school, and sprinted my way into the wrong college, in the wrong place, for the wrong reasons. See? Running away really never works out.
It took me two years here, to finally step back, pause and realize. What the hell was I still running from? This life belongs to no one but me, the demons I run from, are the demons I allow myself to run from. All of the sorrow, pain, and hurt from the years, can only get to me if I run from it, if I let it get to me. I am not the tragic, wounded, weak girl in the story. I am the stubborn, independant, strong girl, who faces her weakness and never runs. Two years, lots of friends, some much needed family time, and alot of running brought me here.
Now I can say that going to Alaska isn't about running for me. This isn't 7 years ago and this isn't Conserve. This is an escape....I guess if you want to you can say escaping and running are the same thing. Not for me, because I am escaping the running...to run right back here. To a place I never expected to find my peace. Its not permenant, that much I know. But its where I want to finish my degree, start my life, and grow my roots from. With good friends, close family and the chance to finally, put away my running shoes.
Leave only foot prints....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
